The Year's Most Irksome Ads

As the winter festivus becomes more and more tainted by commerce, it’s harder and harder to discern the real spirit of Christmas. But - credit crunch aside - if there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to stop people spending their hard-earned on fripperies and presents it’s shockingly bad and patronising advertising campaigns.

This year in particular they’ve been hard to avoid. Take, for example, those 'At Home with the Redknapps' Wii ads, which have seen the likes of top grade actorly types like Patrick Stewart and Julie Walters replaced by Heat magazine micro celebs. They’re nothing short of kryptonite for the credibility of the system.

Let's take a look at them, shall we? First up in the cast of characters, we’ve got a clapped-out ex-girl band member in the form of Louise. Then there’s Jamie Redknapp whose 'Come On Mawio' rotacising (sic) as he’s passed by Bullet Bill has got under my skin like very little else this year. And lest we forget…oh look there’s his Pops. Redknapp Snr’s “Come on you mugs! How’s that for a super smash attack?” exaltation is redolent of Patrick Moore’s legendary doddery appearances in the tips section of Games Master. With their blank expressions, it’s patently obvious that neither of these two coves have any idea what they’re saying.

Nintendo’s other big push has been for the new Animal Crossing installment. And they’ve erred here, too. As the ad's willowy blonde looks up whimsically at the stars and enjoys a soothing herbal tea, all I can think of is 'Jeebus, was there ever a drippier, more indie girl outside of a Talulah Gosh record?' What’s especially misjudged about it is that in my experience this kind of wet, ambient non-gaming isn’t what girls enjoy about the Wii. A truth borne out by the fact that the girls Mario Kart I play online with every Sunday drive like they’re in the Ben Hur chariot race and will stop at nothing short of murder to secure a win.

Alas, PC ads haven’t been much better. The 'I’m A PC' campaign from Apple continued to run this year and was no less irritating than it had been when they first aired in 2007. But perhaps the most galling are the PC World ads for Christmas which trumpet the virtues of the 3GB Acer laptop. We’re told in breathlessly enthusiastic detail that “Thanks to its massive memory and Intel core dual processor, it’s great for surfing the web, playing games and listening to your music. All at the same time!” Delivered with the zeal of someone bringing us news of bleeding-edge technology from the far flung future, the fatal flaw in his sales pitch is that multi-tasking on a computer would be amazing only if this was still 2002.